In memory of my dearest Boris

On that fateful day, two years ago, my world was ripped from under my feet. In splits of seconds, I lost you, I lost the life I knew, and the hopes and dreams that used to push me forward. The accident came without a warning. It crushed my body, heart, and soul…the price I paid for surviving…without you. There is only the sudden horror, the wrench of being torn apart; empty pit…and a reminder that nothing is permanent. In splits of seconds, the bliss is replaced with:

• the shock,
• the trauma.
• the denial,
• the fear of unknown,
• the bargaining,
• the unanswered prayers,
• the broken body,
• the broken heart,
• the sleepless nights,
• the physical pain,
• the existential crisis…

when my breath is crushed under the weight of silence and all that it means.

Somehow, I am surviving all that and begin to break through this dark heavy cocoon…spreading my wings steadily, moving toward the light. Hope and new dreams start filling my soul again.

And that is how I survive.

That is how you would want it to be my dearest Boris️…

In your honor I will continue to persevere and give myself a chance at life…a new life with even more grit and grace. I know you would have loved that. At the same time, I will always be remembering

• the laughter,
• the irrepressible spirit,
• the generous heart…

the only memories of you that really matter ❤️

I will still cry.

But this time with loving reflection more than hopeless longing.

You are and will always be loved.

Rest in peace my darling. ️💛❤️💛❤️ 💛

…and 1675 Survivors! 

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” 

L. Cohen

According to National Statistics Office (NSO) in Malta, and their report released in February 2019, the total number of road traffic accidents reported in 2018 amounted to 14,378, down by 4.2 per cent when compared to 2017.

Although decrease sounds positive, the numbers are still shocking to me.

39 accidents daily are not a joke!

I must admit I got quite gutted by those results. NSO report shed some light on where the accidents happened, how many injuries and deaths occurred during that time. Here are some snippets from Q4 of 2018 derived from this report and my observations on the end.

Localities of Most Accidents

The Northern Harbour district registered the highest number of road traffic accidents with 1,305 cases or 37.2 per cent of the total.

The highest number of road traffic accidents was registered in Birkirkara with 354 cases.

Marsa and Ħal Qormi were next in the list with 186 and 173 reported accidents respectively.

Times of a Day

The highest road traffic casualty rate occurred on Thursdays.

The time bracket during which most road traffic accidents occurred was between 09:00-11:59 with 775 cases followed closely by the 12:00-14:59 time bracket with 742 cases. The least number of accidents occurring daily took place between 00:00 and 02:59 (85 cases).

Cars, motorbikes or tracks?

The largest number of road traffic casualties (59.3 per cent) involved passenger cars, followed by motorcycles (29.9 per cent) and goods-carrying vehicles (6.7 per cent). A total of four cyclists were hit by passenger cars, one of whom suffered grievous injuries while the rest suffered slight/insignificant injuries. Another cyclist was hit by a goods-carrying vehicle and suffered slight injuries.

Gender and Age

When classified by gender, grievously-injured persons totalled 80, the majority of whom were males (65.0 per cent). The fatalities comprised of two males while the majority of casualties fell in the 26 to 40 age-bracket.

Number of Survivors

Road traffic survivors decreased by 8.4 per cent to 371 in Q4 when compared to the same period in 2017. Grievously injured persons consisted of 40 drivers, 16 passengers, 23 pedestrians and one cyclist.

There were 1675 survivors in total in 2018.

Deaths Resulted by Road Accident in 2018

The total number of road traffic fatalities during 2018 amounted to 18, one fatality less than those recorded during 2017.

I believe those fatality figures are obscuring the real impact of road accidents, because when you think of those who survived, like those 1675 people in 2018 (including myself!), it is a completely different level of magnitude.

Those people suffered all sorts of injuries, from minor to grievous, from traumatic to slight. Fractured ribs, hips, legs, arms, some amputations, broken hearts, wrecked mobility. Even if they survived, the injuries obstructed their lives from minor to larger degrees, I know it for sure, I am one of them.  I wonder if they have any support, I wonder what’s happening with and to them now. I wonder how they cope…can they walk, work, drive, can they already smile?

It’s been a year since my accident and I am still not walking. BUT I am stronger, I have more energy and more vital life is flowing through my veins again. Grief and depression are getting smaller giving some space to more light in my life. Smile comes back on my face more often. I am able to work, and I am 100% ready to be here for you my fellow survivors. 

If you want to become a part of community of hope and mutual support, join us, we can make the journey of recovery together.

Love,

Kasia

Reference:

Road Traffic Accidents Statistics by NSO

https://nso.gov.mt/en/News_Releases/View_by_Unit/Unit_B3/Environment_Energy_Transport_and_Agriculture_Statistics/Documents/2019/News2019_029.pdf

Story by Joe Costa 

“I will never, ever give up” 

J.Costa

I’m a stroke survivor. Three years ago (2016), at the age of 57, I suffered an acute stroke that paralysed my left side. I never had high blood pressure or high cholesterol. Few months before the stroke I did a general check-up and everything resulted OK.

It was a great shock!! A stroke can be genetic. My mum suffered a haemorrhagic stroke at the age of 51 and died fifteen days afterwards.

After almost a year of therapy and working hard, I still had no movements in my left arm, when generally you do have movements during the first 6 months. My therapist quit seeing me as she told me to accept reality as it seems very difficult that I will have more movements.

When I returned home, I decided that I will not let the stroke destroy me. The next day I started to work harder and started to do 4 to 5 hours therapy daily by myself at home!

My hobby is photography. I bought a new camera. I needed both hands to manage this camera!!!!

I reasoned it out that now that I have spent almost 1600 Eur I have to do a greater effort. At first, I used a monopod … and now … with the help of God and the support I have from my family and friends … YES, I DID IT!!!

Now I have much more movements in my left hand. I’m still limited because I still have a frozen shoulder and a frozen knee. But at least I became independent again. I’m driving an automatic car. I’m still doing therapy at home as I want to get better … and I will become better … I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

After the stroke, I had no movements in my left arm and then after eighteen months movements started coming slowly … finger after finger. So I always used to carry a monopod with me. I used to hold the monopod between my left arm and manage the camera with my right hand. One fine day, when at M’Xlokk I decided to leave the monopod in my car and told my wife that today I’m going to try to handle the camera without the use of a monopod.

On our way to a restaurant, I saw dogs having fun with a plastic bottle. I don’t know how with my left arm I got hold of the camera, lifted the camera to my eye, and with my right hand I pushed the shutter. My wife, amazed told me …”Do you know that you lifted your left arm?” I told her “Yes I know” From that day onwards, the monopod remained jobless  The picture matched with my story is the result

PRAISE THE LORD.

Story by Ursula Maria Bell – Family Constellations Therapist

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.” 

J.K. Rowling

My last stay in Malta showed a topic that run through private sessions and constellation workshops – it was about choices. So I decided to write this post about the choices that we have in life.

When people choose to do a constellation or choose therapy, sometimes they expect the constellation, the therapist or the counsellor to do magic. Some people are convinced to have no choices in life because of their upbringing, their childhood experiences and whatever they have gone through. Some people ask themselves “why does all this happen to me?”.

Victor E. Frankl, the father of logotherapy and existential analysis, said: “It is not us asking life the question “why?”. It is life asking us: “What do you make of the situation you are in? How do you handle it? How do you give it a meaning?””

And with this, everything changes. He called it the “Copernican revolution”. A revolution, because it turns everything around. It changes us from being victims to being active creators of our own lives. And sometimes it only takes this awareness to make the next step toward a life changing decision.

So we have always a possibility to choose, because we are human beings. Frankl said that we decide in this moment who we are going to be in the next one. And this means that we can take over and/or back our responsibility for our life – in every moment and in every situation.

Here are just a few suggestions for choices that we have:

The choice between blaming a partner for who they are and understanding why we feel hurt by what they are doing (or not doing) and learning more about ourselves.

The choice between repeating the story of our past as a victim and rewriting it as a story about a blessed person who has made it through all this trouble until here.

The choice between continuing being angry with our parents for what happened in the past and finally acknowledging that all our anger will never change anything and the only solution is acceptance and honouring our roots.

The choice between looking at what is missing in our life and looking at what has been given to us or what we have actually got or achieved.

The choice between trying to change other people’s life and concentrating on changes in our own life.

The choice between continuing living in a dream world and facing reality and taking action.

The choice between blaming others for our misery and taking responsibility for our own decisions.

The choice between holding on to who you were before the accident and embracing the creation of your new self.

You have a choice and if the last one is only about accepting the situation you are in. Also, this is an active choice that we can take and that is life changing in itself.

May your days be blessed.

Ursula Maria Bell

http://family-constellations-malta.com/

Story of Josephine Rees

It has been almost a year since my accident, and I am still recovering. It can take much longer because of my severe femur fracture, so no walking yet. To find comfort and to feel part of a community, I signed up for a support group called “Car Accident Survivors Support Group”. This group is abundant with tips and stories that motivate, inspire and give invaluable information that I wouldn’t be able to get if I had to deal with my post-accident issues alone.

There is one particular story that touched me and I am happy to share it with the author’s consent.

Josephine Rees is a Dutch-British 25-year-old who, in 2017, survived a near-fatal road accident in Cambodia. Like me, Josephine’s femur was severely fractured in her accident. With a long road to recovery, she still relies on various mobility aids on a daily basis.

Living in Amsterdam, Josephine soon realised there was a lack of accessibility information in her city. Hoping to share valuable tips with others, Josephine started ‘Able Amsterdam’, a website “promoting wheelchair-friendly places in the Dutch capital”. The website includes a personal blog and hundreds of accessibility reviews of restaurants, museums, gyms and more. Through ‘Able Amsterdam’ Josephine aims to “shatter disability stereotypes and encourage fellow mobility aid users to get the most out of this exciting city”.

Josephine’s accident was intense, and damages to her body were beyond comprehension…yet she is standing tall sharing her beautiful spirit, positivity and resourcefulness with others. Hopefully, her story can inspire other accident survivors to keep going and stay motivated throughout their recovery.

Here are the 16 Things Josephine learned from surviving a near-fatal road accident:

Part 1: https://www.ableamsterdam.com/personal/16-things-i-learned-from-surviving-a-near-fatal-road-accident/

Part 2: https://www.ableamsterdam.com/short-lists/16-things-i-learned-from-surviving-a-near-fatal-road-accident-part-2/

Much love,

Kasia