Are you more of a survivor or a victim? Some people exclusively use the term “survivor” over “victim,” and vice versa.
“Forgiveness has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim – letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.”
― C.R. Strahan
Survivor vs Victim
The words “survivor” and “victim” have very different connotations. Being a “victim” implies helplessness and pity, which might not adequately describe the experiences of some people who experienced a road accident. Experiences will always vary from person to person.
However, what’s so different about the term “survivor” is that it implies that people are able to take control of their own lives. “Surviving” conveys that the person is still fighting, learning to live despite various physical or psychological disabilities after experiencing an accident.
There’s a sense of mobility with the word “survivor.” Term “survivor” implies progression over stagnancy, and many choose to see themselves as survivors because it serves as a term of empowerment, rightly so.
On the other hand the term “victim” is associated with being trapped, and not being able to move on. “Victim”-ising yourself alters your identity into being a victim, being passive in the face of misfortune.
In my own experience after the accident, I felt a victim initially. I couldn’t understand why life treated me so severely and I was so weak physically and mentally that I had no energy to fight. I felt I am stuck in the situation which in un-resolvable. No ability to walk, no ability to earn money, no ability to smile, no ability to do things I loved doing before…I also missed my passing Boris so much. It all sounds like hundreds of legit excuses not to raise above it. I was very much trapped in those justification.
What eventually kicked me of the victim-mode were two things:
1. A large number of family and friends coming to visit me in the hospital. They gave me strength. I could feel their love, kindness and respect. They reminded me about my old good self, and it was reflected in the way they treated me. They were happy I am alive and that I’ve survived. Even though initially I didn’t share their excitement about my survival, they were my motivation to smile and start believing in life again, so that I could set myself on the path to recovery.
2. Accepting what happened to me. It was extremely difficult at first, there was loads of resistance, a lot of anger. I surrendered around 5 months after an accident. Now I see it as one of the most transforming and spiritual experiences in my life. I will write about it in another post.
Empowering myself in the context of a traumatic and life-changing experience was definitely not as easy experience. However, making this switch have impacted the healing process in
a positive way for me.
I am a survivor. I am grateful that life gave me a second chance. Now it’s my time to pay back and give life another chance too.
As Steve Goodier says: “My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.”
Much love,
Kasia
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